Friday, April 19, 2013

Penelope


Hey pals, The Big O here, AKA the beggar. What’s happening you ask, oh you know, the usual: lying to my wife J. But I have good reasons; it’s not as bad as it sounds. I’m just tellin’ her a fib or two so she doesn’t know who I am right at the moment. I’m doing this because she can’t know I am Odysseus, for then I won’t be able to kill all her suitors, and we can’t have those brutey savages running a muck. Anyways, I’ll tell her eventually, but not now, so keep quiet!

Nag, nag, nag, Penelope won’t stop asking me questions: who I am, where I was, what I’m like. But here’s the kicker, I told her a tale of me, uhh I mean Odysseus, in which his coming shall be soon. I don’t think she quite believed me, but hey, she will. I’m kinda her husband and I know all of our secrets so she’ll have to come running into my arms, right? Anywhoo, keep your mouth shut because I don’t want y’all to spoil everything.

So who’s with me you might ask. Not many people, only my kid knows everything, but I told him to remain calm and norm because otherwise people might catch on, so he’s not actually “with” me right now. But I am talking to m’ lady. The fairest of them all, Penelope. But you know what, she keeps asking me annoying questions to which I have to avoid or lie to her. Buuut, it doesn’t matter, I don’t mid being alone with her.

On the other hand, it does get kind of lonely. Remember, I lost my crew, so that kind of haunts me, but a crew is a crew. However, I do still feel kind of crummy about it all. Ehhh, who cares, it all worked out in the long run, so it’s fine. Penelope is the only thing on my mind right now. Can you believe that, I’m gonnna be fighting all those men, but I can only think of her. Crazy huh? Man, have I missed her and my boy. Stay tuned to see how the big fight turns out will ya??  

Thought the ladies might like a beauty shot of me...

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Odysseus' Revenge

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Hi Odysseus here!!! I have finally taken off my disguise.  I will help my wife by telling her to set up a competition with bows and arrows. Every one missed, but Odysseus made three in the middle.

He won so that he could be with his wife again. But Odysseus soon noticed that the suitors did not agree and they stated fighting.

Odysseus will kill all the suitors that tried to marry his wife. So he will kill 100 suitors. He finally killed all the suitors and gained control again. He was finally with his wife and son, so they were together forever until the end.

The Ending

Hi Odysseus here I am going to send my last post. Before I leave I am going to tell you that I an living happily living in the palace with my wife Penelope. After living such a hard life for twenty years, I am happy that I am back and done with the Trojan War.

I have done some things that I am not so proud of for example cheating on my wife. I was bad to cheat because cheating is wrong. Also I killed the one hundred suitors for trying to steel my wife and living in my house.

All in all, I have done some good things and some bad things no matter what you think I think I am no matter what a hero. I have lived a long life and most of it was spent twenty years, gone during the Trojan War and travel on the way home.

The Challenge

Hey it's Odysseus here! Earlier I was telling you about how Penelope was telling me about why all the suitors are here. Well, I am NOT going to let them take my wife. She's all mine, and I'm going to prove it to all of them.

So, Penelope decided that she's going to test all of the suitors and who ever wins, she'll marry. She lined up 12 axes in a straight line and told them to shoot an arrow through all of them. To me, that was a piece of cake, and obviously Penelope remembered that only I was capable of doing that. All of the suitors failed the test, so I decided to "give it a try" but come on, I was obviously going to make it.

Well, everyone didn't think I was going to be able to do it, but I did! All of the suitors were puzzled at the fact that a beggar one the test and none of them did. After all of that, I shot an arrow through Antinous' throat. It was pretty gross to be honest, but then I gave Telemachus the signal to start the fight. I have to go kill some suitors now! I'll keep you updated after all of this goes down!

Monday, April 15, 2013

The Suitors

Hello everyone. Odysseus here with my latest update on my journey. Once i got home my son Telemachus tells me that there are about one hundred suitors trying to steal my wife. He also told me that they have been eating all the food and trashing the palace. This really made me mad so i had to come up with an idea.

 My crazy idea is to go into the palace as a beggar with my son and kill all of the suitors so i can get to Penelope. So it all starts now i walk into the palace and meet Antinous and ask him for so bread and he says no. So i get smart with him and he hits me with a chair. That is when the fight started. Telemachus and I start to slay through the suitors.

On my adventure i have been through many thing but i just hope this is one of the last ones. So i can get to Penelope and live a happy life with her and Telemachus. I hope Penelope remembers me and i can get all of this over with.


Argus

Hey everyone, Odysseus here. I Just thought i would let you all know what i have been up to. I am on tmy way in town with Eumaeus and we arrived near the palace and there was my dog Argus. He was laying in a pile of dung in front of the palace. I went to him because i loved him so much.

I taught Argus when he was younger to hunt but i never took him hunting. It made me sad to see him just sitting there and getting beat up by all the insects. When I left him to go to Troy, he was one of the best dogs around. When we came back he was one of the worst dogs.

I was told that the man he was living with passed away and he was living with some slaves. The slaves did not take car of him very well though. Argus has sat here for so long that all the strength he had was gone and he was as week as a twig. Argus died happy, because he saw me after twenty years. Well that's all for now check back later for some more stories.

The Suitors

Yoooooo it's your boy Odysseus again! Just to keeping yall updated on what's happenin'. I just witnessed my dog die and was a very sad and gloomy time for. After this Odysseus's plan goes underway has he walks into his home has a beggar and finds the vicious suitor Antinous.

After I meet Antinous I ask him for some bread. Then Antinous refuses to give me some I start to mouth back to him and he doesn't take this well and whips a chair at me. The chair smokes me right in the right shoulder and shatters into pieces. Telemachus can barely hold back his rage and stays in position. The other suitors stand up for me and say I could be a god testing Antinous. Then Penelope prays that she will meet this beggar and wishes to speak to him.

So has you can see my adventure has been a roller coaster. I have been away from home for many years and now I am reunited with my son. My wife still doesn't know that I am still alive, but I plan to meet her after my son and I  slaughter every suitors in my home. My journey is now to come to and end and I will plan to live a happy life after I get my revenge.

Penelope's Test


Hello again peeps, ‘tis I the great and powerful Odysseus, as you already know. You all have probably been wondering what I have been up to lately since I finally got back in the palace where I belong. Well after I killed all of the suitors, I was pretty dirty so I got bathed and was made beautiful. Then I had a very intense talk with Penelope.

I have to admit that I was pretty mad when Penelope didn’t believe I was really Odysseus. I was only gone for 20 years! She told the servants to move my bed out of the room and in the hallway, so I could sleep on it. Was she crazy, you can’t move that bed?! I was very upset and told her that when I built the room, the bed was made around a tree, and there is no way the bed could be moved.

Little did I know this was just a test to see if I knew that the bed could not be moved. She was making sure I wasn’t really a beggar. My wife is so clever! We then went on with our lives. Here’s a sneak peak of a pic of us riding off into the sunset that the servants took for Instagram #HappilyEverAfter. 

The Cattle of the Sun God (Part 1)

Hello Odysseus here. We are on Zeus ship going to the land. We are on a ship full of cattle and sheep. If we ran out of food we would not be able to kill the cattle or the sheep to eat. We have bread to eat and have red wine to drink.
We are the island and it is storming we are running out of food quickly. We hit something on the ship and the ship fell apart with no food anymore. We are out of food and the ship is wrecked. All the men are swimming as fast as they can and Odysseus found some wood to grab a hold of and he held on to it with a tight grip.
We ran out of food and Odysseus is praying for some food. But the god is making him go into a deep sleep. While Odysseus is sleeping all of his men butchered the cattle.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Argus

Hello, Odysseus here. So I am on my way to town with Eumaeus when we are arriving near the palace and there is my old dag Argus. Argus was just laying there in a pile of dung write before the gates of the palace. I approached him because I hadn't seen him in twenty years and I missed him.

I had trained Argus when he was a puppy to hunt but I had personally never taken him hunting. I made me feel sick to see him lying there getting destroyed by flies because I new what a great dog he could've been. When I had left him to go to Troy, he was as strong as could be and was the best dog around.

I had been told that his owner had died and he had been left her for the women slaves but they wouldn't take care of him. He had been right here for so long that he had lost all of his strength and was useless. I  proceeded into the court to be among the suitors when Argus saw his last day. He had died happy knowing that he got to see me after twenty years.

Cattle of the Sun God (Part 2)


Hello people, Odysseus here with another update on my journey. We recently landed on Helios’s island. Now we ran out of food, so I and prayed. The Gods ended up putting me into a deep sleep.

While I was asleep, the crew was saying that going to starve to death if they didn’t get food. They killed the cows and Lampetia told Helios what they did. Helios got mad and went to Zeus and told him to punish us for doing that. He even threatened to make it dark forever if he didn’t.

Zeus ended up punishing us. He destroyed our ship and killed all of my crew, but I survived. As I drifting at sea, I discovered I was being pushed towards Charybdis. I cleverly grabbed a branch and held on. Then I waited for a log to come out and I grab on to that and drifted at sea.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

“Twenty Years Gone, and I am Back Again”

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Hey guys, Odysseus here! I thought I should keep you updated on my arrival home. So know how I told my crew not to touch the cow? Yeah, they did it anyways. So they all died, and now im back home in Ithaca but only because my BFF let me use one of 
-->Alcinous' ships let me have a ship of his. 
 So I go to Eumaus’s house and Athena makes me look young and nice for the ladies, just kidding I have a wife, she just makes me look young and nice for my family.  My son Telemachus arrives but he doesn’t recognize me because you know I have kinda been gone for twenty years now. Yeah and did I mention my son thinks im some kind of god? But I convinced him that I am his father. So my son tells me that there are over 100 suitors to kills. Well that makes me angry because they are all trying to get with my lovely wife.

Telemachus and I make up a plan to kill all of them, so now he must hide all of the weapons except 2 swards, 2 spears, and 2 shields. I will show up at the palace and look like a beggar and Telemachus needs to control his anger no matter what the suitors say or do to me. Telemachus is the ONLY one who knows about our plan. So wish my luck us luck trying to kill all one hundred suitors haha LOL well I should be okay right? Bye guys, see ya next time!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Twenty Years Gone, and I am Back Again (Part 2)

Hey it's Odysseus I'm back and in my home town again! When I got back here I didn't tell my son right away about my return. The reason I didn't was because no one would believe me considering I've been gone for 20 years. I've been staying in the building with the pigs for now until it's time.
 

I have come up with a plan to kill all the suitors in my household. It's gunna take some force to get over 100 of them killed. I've asked my son to help me, along with goddess Athena and god Zeus. I also told my son to go back to the house and act like nothing has happened.

I want my son to not get angry when the suitors call me names and I'm begging to stay at the house. My son is worried, but we will get it accomplished. We are all putting the plan in start next. So I will keep you up to speed on how our plan works. It was nice giving you all an update see y'all later.

Scylla and Carybdis


I’m back everyone, so much has been going on. I’m still on my way home and come to face some challenges along the way, one that includes Scylla and Carybdis. I am aware of the sacrifices I am going to face, and let me tell ya, I have a plan. So I need to choose whether to loose my ship and crew in the massive whirlpool, Charybids, or sacrificing six of my men to Scylla. Oh, and I’m also trying to keep it on the low from my men so they don’t try to pull a fast one to get around these challenges.

My men were approaching Carybdis and start to get a little bit frightened, no worries, I gave them a little pep talk and they continue to row towards Scylla. Scylla ends up taking six of my men. Other than six of my crew members eaten by Scylla, everyone has been okay, and we continue our voyage. 

Twenty years gone, and I am back again... (Part 1)

Yo Odysseus here once again! I have been in a lot of mischief lately but I'm here to update you what has been going on. I just escaped the sun god Helios, and  I got a prophecy from Athena that Helios was very very mad at me for killing his cattle, for food and not used as a sacrifice.

When Helios found out he told Zeus and if Zeus didn't wreck my ship and kill my men and Helios said "If you don't wreck his ship and kill his men I will light up the underworld and leave it dark up here." So Zeus wanted it to be light up in the sky so Zeus and his father threw a lighting bolt down to destroy my ship. But I found a piece of wood and rode it home after the wreck.

Through the shipwreck and I am the only one who survived out of the wreck. The wreck was very disastrous. Then I arrived home in Ithaca where I saw my son again since its been 20 years.

I will talk to you guys later with my adventurous updates, and see ya later guys, but I hope you guys keep reading my updates.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

The Sirens

You all probably all know I'm Odysseus from all my previous posts, and now I'm back again to update you all some more on my voyage. I've been up to quite a bit lately, and the next problem I've had to encounter is the Sirens. The Sirens tried to lure my men and I in towards them so they could wreck our ship and all that jazz. But I wasn't about to let that happen.

It was just me and my bros on my ship when I realized, "oh wait, the sirens are coming up." So I let my crew members know what was gonna happen, and they were like, "woah, that could be a problem." And me being the leader I am, I was just like, "yo, calm down, I got this." So then I thought up a plan real quick-like.

At first I was nervous about my plan, and my plan was to put beeswax in my crew members ears so they couldn't hear the catchy tune. But me being the greedy kind a guy I am, I wanted hear the song. And let me tell ya, it was catchy. I had my men tie me to the ship and to not untie me no matter how much I yelled or resisted. My plan worked very well. I felt pretty cool that my plan worked, but what did you expect, I'm Odysseus, my plans always work.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Land of the Dead (Part 2)

Hey guys Odysseus here!!! I have recently entered the land of the dead to reunite with some old friends. when I get down there I finally get to see my main man! I got to converse with Tiresius after I sacrificed some lambs.

When Tiresius came around to the party I gave him a few drinks of some black blood, his mouth never shut again as he blabbered on and on about things to come. He then goes into detail about my prophecy. Tiresius says to kill all the guys flirting with my woman, which might be just a bit too far.

When I finally had heard enough, I left the party to carry out his prophecy. When i got out I had forgotten what the sun felt like. I have to go now, so i fill you in later!

Land Of The Dead (Part Two)

Hello Odysseus here. I just want to tell you more about my journey with my crew members. It has been a long and a tiring journey. I just got away from the cyclops, and now I am at Aeolia Island where the land of the dead is. This is where Elpenor and his spirit has found  the dark.

He had died by falling of a ladder. He slept on Circe's roof, and he was coming down and could not see the long steep backward on the laddar. He feel from that hight and landed on his neckbone, and he buckled under and snapped. So he told me what he wanted me to do when I got home. He wanted to bury him.

He didn't just want to bury him to. He wanted me to fire his corpse, and all gear he had. Then he wanted my to build a cairn. Elpenor wanted to be buried above the breakers an unknown sailor's mark for men to come. Well I hope when I get done at the Land of the dead it will be the last thing that happens before I get home.

 

Cyclops Part 4 (Alec Price)

Heya there everyone I'm back with an update. Just a bit ago we just punctured the cyclops eye and he was not a happy camper. He called for all of his cyclops near by, but when they came he said that nohbdy had done anything to him. So they all were puzzled and walked away. Everything went perfectly to plan.

we sat there for an entire night thinking of what we could do as he guarded the only way out. Then me being the amazing mortal I am, i came up with the perfect plan. he had many sheep hardy and very wooly. so I tied three sheep together, all very quietly. Then I tied my men underneath of them so when the cyclops let us through he wouldn't know it was us! 

Of course we got out. It was almost a better idea then finding a way to end the war. I mean not just anybody can do that. But even though that we got out alive, not every one of my crew members didn't get out alive. four of them got ate and we were all very sad but we never had time for mourning.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Cyclops part 4


Odysseus here. Know it’s been a while since my last post, but it’s only fair I keep you up to speed. Last time I posted, I told you how I made a humongous spear out of a log and made it red hot. This is where I get crafty.

            So we got the Cyclops drunk. But while he was getting drunk, I told him my name was Nohbdy (get it? It sounds like nobody). So when he fell asleep we stabbed his eye out, and he yelled so loud the other Cyclopes herd this and came running. They asked him who caused him this pain, and he said, “Nohbdy.” The other Cyclopses thought he said, “nobody,” so they left and didn’t care. So the Cyclops opens his door and sits in the opening waiting for us. We hid under his sheep so he wouldn’t find us and we escaped with his sheep.

            On our way off the island he was throwing rocks, so I turn around and tell him my real name, my fathers name, and where I live (probably not my best Idea) but I will be home soon. Fingers crossed for good luck.

The Land of the Dead Part 1


Hey there everybody!! Odysseus here!! So me and my men were on Aeaea island, where the sorceress-goddess Circe rules. Some of my men were turned to swine by Circe, but I of course was protected by a magic herb, so I wasn't turned into a swine. I had then demanded that Circe turn my men back to human, but she didn't.

Before I left the island, Circe told me that in order for me to reach home, I had to travel to the land of the dead and get a prophecy from Tiresias. We then left the island, heading toward the land of the dead, where we had to consult the blind prophet to receive our prophecy.

When we reached the shores of the land of the dead, I brought along a lamb and ewe. It was dark and it made me scared, and I knew then that I needed to make a offering to Hades and the dead souls to be able to go down to meet Tiresias.

I approached the pit; I poured down sweet milk, honey, clear water and lastly sprinkled down barley. I then told the dead souls that when I returned home, I would slaughter my best heifer. For Tiresias, I told him that I would sacrifice the handsomest black lamb of my flock. Next, I slashed the lamb and ewe allowing the black blood to run down into the pit to calm the dead souls. 

A moment after that, I could see the dead souls and make out the people that had died. They were everywhere, crying and frightening me, so I gave more sacrifices of my lamb and ewe. I then knelt down, waiting for the time when I would be able to go down and pursue what I had come for.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Cyclops part 2 (171-251)

Hey it's Odyssey here just wanting to inform you guys on what I having been doing since the last post. We have just sighted the great cyclops who lives in the cave we were hiding in. Me and my men are trying not to be frighted by the big brute of a Cyclops. My men are trying to tell me to go, but I wanted to stay and see the Cyclops. I am starting to regret this action, but I know I always make the right decisions.

The Cyclops just put a massive rock in front of the cave, and not even two dozen four wheeled wagons could budge this rock. We are watching him milk his ewes, and cooling his curds with his meal. Me and my men are watching him closely, and when he stirred the fire; the worst thing that could happen to us happened to us he saw us. This was not the best moment we had on our journey, and he asked us where our ship is. I used my cleverness and told him we had gotten wrecked, and we were the only survivors I'm so smart.

The worst part of this post I can barley tell you this, but he took two of my men and smashed there heads with blood going everywhere. He then ate the men right
in front of use eating all bones and everything else. I had the chance to take his life, but then I realized that we would not be able to move the enormous rock. So I am going to have to wait till morning to try to make my escape. Tonight I am feeling home sick for Ithaca while I wait her in the dark cold cave. Keep following my journey I feel this is not the last obstacle. See you later!

The Cyclops Part 3 (252-340)

Hey its Odysseus again! Just updating you on my travels. I am now stuck in the Cyclops' cave and me and my men cannot get out unless the Cyclops himself lifts the ginormous bolder from in front of the cave. Also am starting to loose two men at a time for the Cyclops' breakfast. The Cyclops lets his sheep out every day from the cave to let them graze the field of the island. I have been wondering what to do to get out of this horrible cave, then something just hit me.

I first thought of a plan to poke the cyclops' eye out but I needed something to do it with. Then my mighty men and I found a giant log and cut it into a 6 foot pointed killing machine. Then we held this giant spear over the fire so it would get red hot and tough. After we did that me and my men hid the giant spear, and waited for the perfect moment. When the Cyclops came home we influence him to drink plenty if not all the liquor we had so he would pass out. And it worked! The Cyclops wanted more and more and eventually he passed out.

Now was our moment as I told my men, "no quitting now"!  We thrust-ed with great force the Cyclops eye ball and drove the spear into it! We turned and twisted the spear as white blood ran out around the spear. As we turned and twisted ever so violently the eye ball popped and the Cyclops was without an eye. Now we have done it, the Cyclops is now as mad as a cook with a burnt turkey on Thanksgiving day! Now what?!

The Cyclops Part 1 (109-170)

Hello, back from my journey. I was leaving lotus island and went into the open water and sailed for awhile until we found another land called Cyclopes island. Here all of the Cyclopes live alone or with a wife and kids. The Cyclopes in a rough justice way when dealing with anyone or their family. Also they have no tribal or no consultation with each other. The Cyclopes island has not just lust pastures for the sheep and rams but also have wild grapes, grains, and wheat/barely that go untended. The Cyclopes don't take care of anything except their families, homes, and sheep/rams.

My men and I have been on the ship for a few days and getting low on food again. So when we find Cyclopes island we decide that we need to steal and get food. We need food so we are planning on taking the Cyclopes food before we continue or travels. So We pull up on the island. Our moods are high because we were on our way home again.

When we got to the open sea around Cyclopes island we saw Cyclopes' caves all around the island. Then we saw a cave that the door was open and a Cyclopes was sleeping inside. That is when we decided to go try getting more food and go see the Cyclopes cave and steal his food but some plans change. So we decide to dock on the shore and me and 12 of my best fighting men go to look at the cave. We get up to the cave and while we are looking around we find out that the Cyclopes that was sleeping in the cave went to take care of his sheep. So my men say that they want to take the cheese and milk put it on the ship then leave before the Cyclopes comes back. So keep reading to see what we decide.

The Lotus Eaters'

Odysseus here! Just wanting to get you in on what men and I have been doing. Lately I have been facing a storm that has taken us to the island of the Lotus Eaters'. I let three of my men go and explore the island, but when they ate some Lotus they lost their minds and did not want to come home! So I had to physically drag them back them to the ship, and tie them under the benches. After that we set sail for home!

On this adventure I had three of my finest men go and search the island for supplies. When they do not return I went and searched for them to bring them back to the ship in order for us to set sail for home. The lotus eaters took the two crew members and the one runner showing no harm just giving them lotus to eat. After that I had to go get the three reluctant men and drag them back to the ship where I had to tie them under the benches in order for us to leave. The people we came into contact with, the lotus eaters, were very a very different kind of race.

You still there?! Right now I'm feeling pretty good about our adventure home, but if these storms keep coming they might become a pain in my rear. Also I still feel the want and need to get home to see my boy, he was a little one when I left, and to see my loving faithful wife. I am hoping my crew and I will make it home safe. Also I am hoping that there is no more storms that will affect us. So I hoped you enjoyed our journey so far!!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

1. Your arrival in Alcinous’ kingdom

Hello friends! Long time no talk! Those of you who may have been wondering where I have been for the past ten years; I have just ended the Trojan WAr, and I am on my way home! The ever lasting war was ended by my genius thinking of building a hallow wooden horse as a sign of surrender to the Trojans. What they didn't know was that we were hiding in the horse for when the whole town went to sleep, it would be a piece of cake finishing of the 10 year war! Now we are on our way home to all of you in the beloved land of Ithaca. While we were on our treacherous journey home, we stopped on the island of Isnarus. My men and i found sheep on the island, and we attempted to talke the sheep. Unfortunately, we were caught in the act, and the people of the island killed six benches worth of men on every ship.

 Thankfully I'm not alone on this vast adventure. My crew members endure the unexpected with me. Every time we make a pit stop at a new island for supplies, I always meet someone new. For instance, today we arrived in Phaeacia, and I met the king so to say of Phaecia, Alcinous. While on the island we offered my crew members and I a ship, and asked me to tell him about my adventures.

As of right now my thought is, boy am I ready to finally get home. Just think, how would you be feeling if you've been away from home for 20 years? I bet you would be feeling just a wee bit home sick. I can't wait go see my beloved wife Penelope and my son, who was just a little child when I left. Random thought here, I wonder how many of you have actually missed me!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Heading Home from Troy

Hey, everyone. Odysseus, here. I'm the King of Ithaca and I've been fighting in the Trojan War for the last ten years. Now, I'm all ready to head home. It will be a long journey, so I thought I'd keep a blog so that I can tell everyone where I'm at in my trip and what I'm doing.

First, I should probably tell you a little bit about where I've been (a Trojan Horse doesn't get the best cell reception, so I'm a little behind on updating everyone with my Tweets #EpicHeroProblems).
Like I said, I've been a soldier in the Trojan War for the past decade. The whole thing started when the Prince of Troy, Paris, stole the beautiful Helen, from her husband Menelaus. She was gorgeous, and his wife, so naturally, Menelaus was a little ticked. He convinced his brother Agamemnon to send an army to attack Troy and get Helen back.

A bloody war over this woman raged on for the next ten years outside the walls of Troy. I was tired of it all; I  just wanted to go home to my wife and son, Penelope and Telemachus. So one night at camp, I thought to myself, "If only we could get inside the walls. Then we'd have a better chance." I came up with the brilliant idea of building a huge horse out of wood and making it hollow on the inside. Here's an Instagram I took of it:
We put the horse right outside the gates of Troy, and we all hid inside it. The Trojans saw it and thought it was some kind of gift or a message of surrender, so they brought it inside their city and celebrated, having no idea that the whole Greek army was inside. Once they were all asleep, taking over the city was a piece of cake, and the war soon ended.

So now, I'm finally on a ship home with a crew of a few men. Sure, the journey will probably be long and difficult, but there's no way it can be longer than 10 years or more difficult than a war, right?